Throwing In The Towel

Priorities change as we get older. Things that were super important at 20 aren’t even on the list at 30.
We start thinking about the long run a lot more. Who will be the best fit for us when we are past the age we are now; when our kids are grown and gone. Who will be the best fit to build a life with?
We aren’t really dating just because dating is such a blast. We are with who we are with, because we see a life with them.
We see them sitting at our family Thanksgiving; we see them sitting at school plays with us; we see them standing at the end of the aisle; we see them rolling over every morning and kissing us for the rest of our lives.
If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be investing so much time and energy into them. We wouldn’t be having them meet and get close to our children or our families and friends. We wouldn’t call them first when something crazy has happened. We wouldn’t allow them to become such a huge part of our world. We would keep our distance, we would keep our guard up, we definitely would not allow ourselves to fall in love.
Falling in love is amazing. One of the best feelings you can have is when you look in someone’s eyes and you literally feel your body ache for them. Not just physically but in a way that you know just simply means that they are home, they are your safe place. Those eyes, those arms, that is where you need to be every single day.
But what if falling in love is point A and your lover is back at W? What if you fell, you see that they have to, you know with every ounce of you that they have, but they tell you they aren’t at Point A yet?
Then what?
When is enough, enough?
Knowing what you deserve, not settling for anything, making sure they want you and that you feel wanted and that you feel like the most amazing, most desirable, beautiful girl in the world is what we are told every day we need to wait for…
What if we do feel that, but they can’t say it?
They can’t say “I want you“, “I love you“, “you are my girl“.
Obviously we need a therapist for the real reason why they can’t just say it, but at what point do we stop waiting for it?
When do we pull back and move on? Or do we ever? Every quality we could ever hope for is right there in those eyes but they can’t tell us that we are the one…
Then what?
Every little thing about ourselves is questioned. Men can walk away so easily the majority of the time but we need answers. We need to know why, what is wrong, what isn’t there?
Because it feels there for us…
This will be a lifelong argument between men and women I think.
Why try to fix something that isn’t broken?
Except it is broken, when we feel like we are falling short, something is definitely broken. It’s us that needs to fix it though. Us that need to realize all the things that are so important to us now, matter; our feelings matter. They matter to the extent of walking away. Walking away because we deserve to be loved and loved out loud. That shit hurts so bad. But it can be done. It’s been done before and it can be done again. We all have to compromise, not settle, but compromise. A strong relationship won’t always be 50/50; sometimes you’re up and he’s down or vice versa. Your feelings though, those should never be compromised I don’t think. Granted, I am no expert obviously, but we should always feel loved. We should always be confident in our place in our relationships. Not just with our lovers but also our friends. We shouldn’t have to ever question or doubt what we mean to the people we love.
I don’t know when you walk away. I don’t know if the right thing to do is to back up, throw that guard back in place and toss in the towel; I have no idea. I don’t know if you give it your all for years and then start over again or if you recognize the pain for being another ending as soon as you see a problem…
I think we have to decide that. I think we have to determine what we can go without and what the looks late at night when no one else is there really mean.
Can we love someone who might be screwed up? How screwed up are we ourselves and they still look in our eyes with complete and total adoration… No one knows but us. No one knows when it’s time to say enough is enough except for us.

-S

49ca11810086bbb0f0154c97deea7ffb

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s