Couply Un-Couple

The most relationship like non-relationship ever.
I have heard this silly little description a lot lately about one of my best friends. The most couply non-couple. The most in love but just friends little non-couple I know.
It’s funny. We giggle. We make jokes and tease. He looks at her like she’s the only girl in the room. The kids love him, they love each others’ family.
It’s perfect.
Until you stop to think about it, until she stops to think about how he isn’t ready for a relationship. He doesn’t want a girlfriend really, not right now.
I’m right there with her now. A few several months behind, but right there…
It’s perfect. So what is going on? Why is something that once again seems as though it should be so simple, so not?
Why is it that if the guy wants a relationship the girl panics and isn’t ready, but when he specifically and very clearly says he does not want one, it suddenly feels like rejection.
Rejection and hurt and just plain shittiness.
Now I’m speaking for myself when I say that my situation is ideal for me right now.
I’m happy. I like what we have going. The pace, the direction, all of it. I feel good about it.
Most of the time.
There are moments where I look at him and I just smile. I feel that little thing in my stomach that makes me happy for no apparent reason…
Other times I can’t help but wonder why there is this great thing going and I still don’t have someone jumping at the chance to claim me as their “girlfriend”. Now in all fairness I still really don’t know what would happen if he did. I feel ready, I’m happy, my kids are happy. I can’t complain. But something still sits uneasy with me when it comes to commitment. I’m okay with the unlabeled commitment, but I just don’t know how I would feel if we took it to that next step.
So we talk about it casually, infrequently and just make sure we are both okay and on the same path. That seems to work for us right now. It hasn’t been long but it feels like it’s been forever. It’s just easy for the most part. Once I learned to calm down and go with the flow of things (it’s a work in progress) as much as I could, it has been less of a challenge to understand where we both stand.
When I talk it out I feel like it all makes sense. I understand that there are reasons for being a non-couple, couple. I get it. It can also mess with your head though. How long do you go along with that? Is it ok? What happens if you fall in love and he still wants to be an un-couple, couple? What if he falls in love too and it was all worth it? My anxiety with commitment is fully due to the fear of heartbreak. I don’t doubt that for a second. But not committing doesn’t mean you wont fall in love and get your heart shattered…
I don’t think there is a good answer to any of it. I think you just go with it. Decide what you are willing to put on the line in hopes of a happy ending.

-S

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