One of the worst feelings in the world is when you don’t know what to do next.
You’re scared that it might really be the end of something but you can’t express that.
You can’t say that.
You can’t say anything because you said you wouldn’t.
There is a very fine line between pride, foolishness and crazy.
You might mean it one way and feel like it’s the right thing to do but it can be taken the complete opposite.
Then when you think you are making it better, you have actually made it so much worse.
Text too much and you’re desperate, clingy, needy…
Not enough and you aren’t really interested…
Keep quiet after saying you’re done and you might lose someone for good.
Say something after saying you’re done and you’re crazy or psycho.
That’s one of the things I miss the most about the security of having someone. You knew that no matter how mad they got or how crazy you might have been that day that they will still come home. They still love you. You’re their crazy.
It’s hard keeping things one way for good. It’s hard to not start caring more than you wanted to. Hard to not miss someone once you make a habit out of seeing them. It’s even more difficult not knowing where you stand.
The absolute worst though is when you finally get the courage to ask and you get the answer you were afraid of getting.
Even if you knew that would be the answer hearing it sucks.
Hating relationships and being scarred from so much hurt but still being a hopeless romantic is the most ridiculous thing, but there are so many of us that are.
We finally get past the hurt and the pain of losing someone we thought would be there forever, only to have to do it over and over again in hopes of finding your true forever.
That’s what’s crazy.
Secretly hoping that they’ll tell you they miss you.
Tell you they want to see you right now so they can hug you tight.
Text you back that they didn’t mean to be so snappy, it was just a hard day.
But they don’t.
So being the stupid girls at heart that we always will be; we hurt.
At our desk.
Like an idiot.
Because we want to text you after saying we wouldn’t just one more time to tell you we don’t want to fight or argue or lose whatever it is that we have.
But we can’t.
Because you’ll tell everyone else the same stuff about us that you told us about the last psycho…
So you just wait and hope you made the right decision.
Hope they miss you.
Hope they text or call.
Hope that you see them again really soon and things are just the way they were last time.
Hope that a bottle of wine and an episode of Scrubs is what they miss tonight because it’s all you really want to do…