Booty Call

I’m meeting him at 10:30pm tonight.
That’s a booty call!
Is it?

In the past month so much has just been a big blur. A whirlwind combination of hospital and attorney visits. 48 hours notice to move an 83-year-old woman out of her apartment. Over 50 years of “stuff” that has been collected in the time she’s lived in the U.S plus everything she was able to bring with her from Cuba. All needing to be packed up carefully (some stuff is so old!) and moved to my house.
My house.

That’s probably another blog actually…

My point is, things have been crazy. Fast. No time to really stop and think. That is both a blessing and a curse with me. I need my time to stop and think and process, but at the same time, when I stop and process the way life has been lately, it quite honestly just sucks.

I’m fitting in “my life” the best way that I can. I haven’t been able to make plans for a while now. Thankfully It’s sort of, kind of, starting to settle down now. We have her moved out and the reality that she won’t be coming home has started to set in. We are coming to terms with the fact that we just can’t be there every single day and that life has to resume. The guilt of not making it or not being able to do everything is where the struggle is right now.

So if I have the opportunity to not think, to not worry or wonder, I’m taking it.
Even if it’s 10:30 and it looks bad.

A booty call to some.
A mental vacation to me.

The exchange I had about my “booty call” started running through my mind.
A booty call is to meet up for sex.
If it were your boyfriend then it would be OK, but if he isn’t your boyfriend it’s not?
What if you had been dating awhile? Is it OK then?
What if you were meeting up at 10:30 and no sex was involved?
What’s that labeled?

Labels.

The last time I decided to label something panic set in, there was lots of crying and slight hyperventilation.
Labels make me panic.
Labels and I do not get along. It’s taken me awhile to realize that, but it’s true.
I don’t want to be “in a relationship” on Facebook. I don’t want to be “his girlfriend“. I don’t even want to meet up for a “booty call.” I don’t really understand why there has to be a label attached to any relationship honestly. I don’t understand why two people going out for a drink has to be a “date“. Why can’t it just be two people going out for a drink?

I’ll tell you what I do want right now…
I want to go somewhere that I can not think, not stress, not do laundry, not dust or do homework. I want to go laugh my ass off. I want to say whatever rolls off my tongue and not be judged. I want to drink a beer while I eat a piece of garlic bread and not worry about my breath stinking.
I just want to be…
Just be.
No worries.
I don’t want to think about if he’s with someone else tomorrow night. I don’t want to wonder who he’s talking to or who he’s calling.
I know that stuff is a perk of being in a committed relationship; it doesn’t matter if you forgot to shave your legs because you know he’s coming home tomorrow after work.

I went at 10:30.
It wasn’t a “booty call” and I wasn’t meeting my “boyfriend“.
We didn’t go on a “date“.
I ate a piece of garlic bread and I didn’t have to wash my plate.
I laughed my ass off and I said some really stupid stuff without anyone looking at me funny.

I was able to escape life for a few hours.
It’s an escape.
I don’t feel the need to explain it or justify it.
I don’t want to label it.

To be looked at like you’re pretty awesome when you’ve been moving furniture all day and look like a mess and you just added some garlic breath to the mix… It completely defeats the purpose if I go home and analyze every moment, tear it apart second by second.

Maybe that’s naive. Maybe that’s how people get hurt or taken advantage of.
For me, it’s a part of growing up and learning myself.
I don’t want anything else in my life that stresses me out or spreads me so thin I feel like the important things are being neglected.
If I have to worry, I don’t want it. If I start to feel insecure, I need it gone. If you attach like a leech, I can’t function.

It wasn’t a booty call. It was an escape. Even if it was only a few hours. You learn to embrace the fun, the good, the positive; regardless of what time it is.

-S

labels

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