You Always Have A Choice

There’s always a choice.
Always a decision to be made.
Yes or no.
Right or wrong.
Answer the phone or let it ring.

We always have a choice. We can change things or leave them the same.
We all spend our childhood learning right from wrong. We know we shouldn’t hurt people intentionally. We shouldn’t steal or lie. We should be respectful and show love and compassion.
We might grow up different but we all learn the basics of being a good person.

There is always a choice. You might not know which one to make but you know you can make one.
If you miss someone, you can call.
If you feel lost you can keep going or you can turn around and go back the way you came.

We all handle things different. We all, I think, want the same outcome. How we get there though, that might look very different.

I hate you. I really do.
At one point though, I loved you. You loved me. We loved each other. We built a home, a family, we lost and we won – together. So when I tell you that I will help however I can, I hope you know that I mean it. With every ounce of my soul, I mean it. I know how stupid that sounds to so many people. I really don’t care though.
Together we got to this place. I will hold your hand until we get out. I can’t stand you. You can’t stand me. That doesn’t matter. It makes no difference. At some point that needs to be laid on the ground and we need to step over and away from it.

I don’t understand it. I don’t think I ever will. The pain in my chest from forcing myself to realize I have to forgive without ever getting an apology, is a pain like nothing I can put into words.
I don’t like you. I don’t like what you have done. It isn’t right. Nothing you say or do will ever justify or fix it in my mind, but that isn’t my job. My job isn’t to judge or to fix it for you.
It is my job to fix it for them. I can’t do that alone though.
You have a choice. You have always had a choice.
You can lay it down and walk to them.
Just walk.
Please.

Maybe I am ignorant. Maybe I should just stop caring, stop worrying, stop hoping. I pray about it. All the time.
I don’t hold grudges. Even when I have every reason to, I don’t. You know that better than anyone on this earth.
You know me.
I know your heart hurts. Theirs does too.
So make the choice. Make the right choice. Lay it down. Step over it and walk to them. I will hold your hand. I will hold it in place over theirs until they will hold it on their own again. I promise. I don’t want anything else. I want it to end just as badly as you do.

I said I wouldn’t care anymore. To you, I won’t. In my heart, I can’t stop. It makes me so sad to see what you are doing. To see how you have hurt them. Them. So innocent in all of this. I should be happy with how they are now. I should be content that things are so good. You would just cause more harm than good to try to fix it now. My heart knows you should though. You should fix it. You should cause ripples. That is what’s right.

So here I am. Asking you to please make a choice. A different one. An uncomfortable one. The right one. I will help. I will swallow my pride and I will hold your hand until you can do it on your own.
That’s me. It always will be. Just walk. Stop being stuck. Walk.

-S

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