I don’t know how else to explain to them that I am not at fault. I have not done anything except love, support and try to shelter my loves from the things that have gone on.
I might be at fault for a lot of things but I am not at fault for this.
I have never kept them from anyone. I have always gone out of my way to play peacekeeper in a time when most people would have shut them out.
I get ignored but I never ignore.
I want to.
Sometimes I wish I could be just a heartless and careless as the rest of them. I wish a text could come to my phone and I wouldn’t feel the need to respond. I wish I could give myself that quality but I can’t.
Trust me I’ve tried.
Instead I pour my heart out, all the while knowing it’s a waste of time because they don’t care what I think or how I feel. That is exactly why I should just ignore it.
They don’t care.
They don’t care that he does nothing.
I don’t have a grown son that has children of his own but if I did, I would beat him senseless for putting them through what he has.
I would have a long talk and I would do whatever I could to help.
I would listen to their Mother, the same Mother that I once claimed to love and thank for loving my Grandchildren so much. I would like to think that I would realize that as their Mother all she wanted was what was best for them.
No different from two years ago.
But instead they blame. Place the blame where they feel the best about it, where they can find a false sense of peace.
No matter what I say, it won’t matter.
Which is why I should just ignore.
I don’t know what I hope to accomplish by telling them how I feel. Maybe I think they will realize how much hurt he has caused. How when he has moved on with his life and it’s cute to tag them in fun family ideas on Facebook, his children are stuck.
Stuck without him.
Without knowing why he isn’t there or why he doesn’t call.
I hurt, but my hurt is only because I see the hurt in them.
Not as often as before but it’s still there and it’s there because of Him, not because of Me. I don’t mind being there every weekend, for every game, for every lost tooth and every holiday. I don’t mind being 100%. Not one bit.
They think that insulting me is going to do something for them, but they’re wrong. I don’t care what you have to say. I’m not bitter or angry anymore. I don’t want revenge and my Facebook quotes are not about Karma. I want my children to be loved and to be happy and I will accomplish that with or without the help of anyone else.
I will continue to rebuild all that they lost. It may take me longer than I would have hoped for, but that is only because they lost so much. Something else that you have no reason to be rude to me about.
Yes, I have fought with my family, I have had more downs than ups with them and they still annoy me just as much as they did before, but when we were down, they were there. You were not. You should be thanking them for being there when none of you were. You chose to not involve yourself. That was your mistake.
No one ever asked for sides to be picked. When it comes to loving children there should be no sides. Only support, care and love. The way you view me has nothing to do with the relationship you have with them.
I am still the same Mom I was before I was divorced.
Same exact S.
Maybe a little more confident, a little stronger, a little more secure.
But still the same one…
You forget that I always played peacekeeper. I did it by choice, because I wanted you to be around. If I would have done things his way you would have seen them a lot less.
So continue to place blame in the wrong direction.
You pray for me just as I will pray for you. I hope that you will realize that everything I tell you and share with you is so that you can understand, not become angry. When it comes to loving the ones that matter the most, I have never wavered. Never.
I will never waver.
They know that and they will continue to be told that you love them just like He does, who knows if it’s true or not at this point, but they will be told.
I have been broken, I have been lower than low and your comments and your selfishness won’t take me there again.
I hope for your sake you can stop pointing fingers and put them in front of you, where they have always been with Me. If not, I still will never change. Unfortunately for me I will still be there when all of you are ready to get over yourselves. I will probably still answer every text and inconvenience myself for you. I hope not, but if I’m being realistic…