Everything we do, every single day, takes us to the place where we end up. Takes us to where we currently are. What our answer is, whether we say yes or no, whether we choose this or that, go or don’t go… Every one of those decisions determined where we are standing right now. At this very moment.
We can’t go back and change those decisions, those tiny moments, spur of the moment impulses… All of them get us to right here.
I don’t like to dwell on the what could haves or what ifs but sometimes things happen that you just can’t help but wonder. What if I would have said yes…
What if I would have gone…
What if I would have waited or never even done it….
I have gone so many years thinking things were one way only now that my life has drastically changed over the past few years do I find out why.
Crazy but nice.
Nice to know that some things we thought were a negative really had a good reason.
Getting the chance to sit and have conversations with people in my life and find out how they really felt or feel now that they are able to have the talk, a real talk is fulfilling in ways that I can’t even try to explain. As I watch all the pieces of my life fall together, as I start to make sense of things that never made sense I can literally feel myself becoming whole again. I can feel my confidence grow, my sense of self worth heighten. Things that at one time I was a total pushover about I can now say what I think or feel and I’m not worried about it..
Learning that it’s OK that everyone around me isn’t in complete agreement with my decisions.
Being able to sit at a football game alone and be OK with that. I don’t need someone next to me.
Sometimes it’s bittersweet; watching where you used to be from where you are… It’s different but I think that’s alright.
I find comfort in knowing that the people who are meant to be sitting next to me will.
Ups and downs, highs and lows, I don’t owe anyone any explanations but I will give them one if they need one; if it’s important enough then it’ll be discussed.
Maybe not now, one day though.
It’s been twelve years for me, twelve years of never understanding why, never grasping the details of something that was so small but still ate at me and now that I do know; well all I can say is Wow.
Literally, every small, big, yes, no, not now, maybe, hesitation, hangup, dial again, turn right, no go left, stop at their house, never go there again decision brings us to right where our feet are planted.
Thank God we can pick our feet up and go back the other way whenever we want….