The Storm

When big changes happen in your life you have to make lots of decisions. Some are big, some are small. You don’t really know if you are making the right decisions at the time or if you are just making things worse. You have to use some combination of common sense, gut instincts, your heart and your head.
The storm rolls in and you start changing; you start molding to your situation, your new surroundings. You start having to look at everything around you in a completely new way, whether you want to or not. Those beautiful colors start to seem dull and unattractive while the grey, boring things you often overlooked are becoming bright and beautiful.
I noticed that a lot of times I didn’t even see so many things that were right in front of my face; I had my head down, eyes closed and I was in my own world, my own space.
As the storm keeps rolling and you continue to adapt, there’s a certain trust that builds. A trust in yourself. You start to believe in yourself, you start to trust that the decisions you are making really are for the best. The things that hurt the most, you realize, are the things forcing you to grow the most. To reach your highest point.
“With great struggle comes great growth.”
Eventually the storm passes or at least lets up some. It goes from hurricane force winds and hail to a light sprinkle and just a little wind. When I opened my eyes I saw everything around me that I was missing. I noticed little things. I let myself feel. Instead of fighting to hold back the sadness or anger and even depression, I let myself get lost in those emotions. I realized that when I let myself feel even the bad feelings instead of hiding from them, that they didn’t take over. Instead of feeling them all day and all night, I only had to deal with them when something was going on or when I allowed myself to go there alone at night.
During the worst moments, when you feel at your absolute lowest and you’re praying every night for a change; please make him come back, please give me another chance… you want nothing more than just one more chance. Just one and you swear you will be better. Different. Something.
One day you are presented with the chance you prayed for, it’s right there, you can reach out and grab it before anyone even sees, and you realize you don’t want it anymore. You realize that those unanswered prayers were for the best. The things that I wanted so desperately, the loss was so painful, I don’t even think about now and when I do, I feel nothing. I’m thankful for the memories, I will always be thankful for the memories but I don’t miss anything about it. Nothing. It’s actually quite the opposite. The changes that were so hard for me. The things that I had to literally pry from my fingers, now annoy me.
It’s the most amazing feeling in the world when you no longer feel the need to explain yourself to anyone. When you can speak your mind and say exactly how you feel and you don’t feel like it isn’t enough or someone may be mad, upset or offended. When you can hang up the phone and not cry all night that it didn’t end well, you don’t feel like you have to call back or text to make sure everything is fine. It takes a lot to mold your surroundings to where they’re best for your life. You will have to make a lot of very unpopular decisions. You will have to choose B when A is the most tempting, the most popular, the easiest. It’s very liberating when you can be content regardless of what anyone else thinks.
The storm has to come. Without the rain, flowers won’t grow, the grass and the trees turn brown. We need the storm. Some people have bigger storms to weather than other people. Sometimes your entire world has to be shaken up, flipped around and totally torn apart so that you can start over and get it right the next time. We don’t understand all the pieces. Some of them I don’t think will ever make sense but a lot of them eventually make complete sense.



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