Squeeze Your Eyes Tight And Go!

Making changes are always scary.
Making that leap and not knowing if it’s better on the other side can be very frightening.
Sometimes we have to just jump.
Sometimes we have to just squeeze our eyes really tight, like tight until you see silver stars tight and just go for it.

Last night I had a conversation about fear.
Being afraid of things.
Of change.
Being afraid that things won’t turn out like you want them to.
Being afraid that you will flat out fail.
Fall on your face.
Flat.
If something doesn’t go exactly like you have planned it’s a letdown.
Sometimes it can be worse, not just less than we expected but a completely terrible move all the way around.
We don’t have the ability to predict the future though.
All we can do is follow our instincts.
Pray for some kind of guidance.
Hope that we know ourselves better today than we did yesterday.

I’ve made lots of unpopular choices lately.
Choices that have caused people that love me to get upset.
I have had to choose though.
Choose what my gut said to do.
Maybe the choices I make aren’t what they would make but that can’t be my reason for not making them.
I have to make or not make decisions based off of what I need to do.
What’s best for myself and my kids.
That isn’t always popular.
If you love me though, you’ll understand that.
You’ll accept it.

More choices are being made.
More changes are taking place.
I’ve never been more thankful for the people that have loved and supported me through it all.
All of this learning, all of this changing and growing and evolving; it hasn’t been an easy road.
It’s been long.
The longest road ever.
I’m making my way down it though.
At the beginning I was holding lots of hands, lots of supporters smiling at me.
Along the way people have stopped walking, fallen off the sides, turned around and gone back.
I’ve picked up some new supporters though, there are a few more holding Go S signs.
I’m thankful for all of them.
The ones that stopped walking also.

Changes are scary.
Regret is even worse though.
I have a lot that I wish would have or could have been different.
I’m sure there will be even more along the way but I know one thing for sure; I’m not living my life for anyone else anymore.
My kids and I are my top priority.
Popular or not.
I want to look back and own every single one of my decisions.
Every single one.

-S

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