Make A Wish

She turned 16.
She had her party.
She blew out her candles and made a wish.
The entire weekend was about her.
All about her.
There were friends and laughter, balloons and black lights.
Videos that no one will ever see, pictures that no caption can describe.
There were memories made.
Kisses kissed.
Hugs hugged.
Lessons learned.

Only one thing was missing.
One thing that didn’t seem to be an issue until late on the night of her birthday.
People were texting and calling all day.
People that haven’t texted or called in months.
That’s how it usually is the older you get.
There was one text that was missing though.
One call that never came through.
At 2am the reality set in that it wasn’t going to.
At 2:15 am she realized how much it hurt her.

I don’t know how someone can be so mean.
I don’t know how someone can love a child so much for so many years and then just drop them.
My heart breaks every time I stop and think about it.

He knows she has started a new relationship.
He knows she is old enough to decide she wanted the relationship.
He isn’t happy about it.
No one thought he would be.
I knew he would be mad, jealous, hurt even.
The thing is, if he were doing what he should have been doing, then she would have never felt the need to start the relationship.
The relationship began because he chose to end the relationship they had.
That isn’t her fault.

Actually, none of this is her fault.
Bringing him into her life was my mistake.
Believing he was a good, decent human being was my lack of good judgment.
Lesson learned.
The only problem with that is the timing.
She turned 16.
16.
Sixteen.
No matter how I look at it, it’s his fault.
You don’t drop a kid.
You just don’t.
And he did, he did before she started the relationship she started.
Like I said, she wouldn’t have started it if she wasn’t lacking what she needed from him.
Lacking what he promised to give freely.
Lacking a Father.
A Dad.

Yes, the attitude she has stinks sometimes.
Sometimes it’s downright unbearable.
Being a parent means bearing it though.
Regardless.
Clenching your teeth, tightening your fists and weathering the storm.
You don’t give up.
You don’t walk away.
And if you do, don’t be a coward and place blame.
Just don’t.
Accept that you failed.
You failed a child that you swore to never fail.
Accept that you have become a deadbeat.
A loser.
A pathetic individual with no heart or soul.
Deal with it so that maybe there’s hope that you won’t damage the others like you did her.

She cried.
It hurt.
When 2am came and the realization that he hadn’t acknowledged her birthday for the 2nd year sunk in, she broke down.
I broke down.
I am so sorry.
So very sorry.
As he sits in his nice house with his new little family she was crying, on her birthday.
She said “How can someone be so mean Mom? He was my best friend, I loved him so much.”
What do you say to that?
You hold her, you tell her how sorry you are and that you love her more than anything.
Not that it helped anything.
It didn’t.

She started a new relationship.
I don’t know how that one will go, but I know that I am not letting anyone or anything hurt her like he has ever again.
So far, so good.
He knows how important this role in her life is.
He knows this is a second chance to make things right.
And he is.
He is doing everything he can to fix things for her, with her.

As for the one that didn’t have to be, the one that should have never been, the one that was never worthy…
I hope he knows what a pathetic excuse for a human being he is.
I hope he knows that there is a special place in Hell for him.
I hope he knows that all of my compassion, concern, sadness and empathy for him and his life are gone.
I hope he knows that there are lots of people waiting for the day they can come visit him…

She blew out her candle but we both made a wish.

-S

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