That Guy…

Relationships are so weird.
Really.
Just kinda odd when you stop and think about them.
You can’t really define any one specific relationship any one certain way.

I have met so many people over the past couple of years and each one has made their way into my life in a unique way.
Some have a special spot in my heart.
Some will be lifelong friends and others will merely be a mutual acquaintance at a get together once or twice a year.
Others have since come and gone.
Each one is unique though.
Each one comes with a different story, a different emotion when I see or think about them.
They have all given me a new outlook on things, a new perspective on relationships and friendships.

I’ve learned a lot about myself because of these people.
I have learned that the quality of your relationships is so much more important than the amount that you have.
When I was younger I had lots of friends.
My parties were crowded, my phone always rang and my beeper was always vibrating.
There weren’t many people that I could trust with my life though, not many that I knew would have my back no matter what.
There are even less that I still talk to today.

I haven’t been going out much lately.
Even when the kids were gone I was staying in.
I just felt like there were so many things my mind needed to be focused on that it was better that way.
My boys aren’t home for a few weeks though and I have missed having some fun, me time.
So I went out this weekend.
I realized (again) how important it is to take the time to go enjoy yourself.
It’s so important.
So important to surround yourself with good people.
I had so much fun.
I was completely in my element, in my happy place.

I was a little worried about going out with one person in particular I hadn’t seen in awhile though.
The way we left things was a little awkward and I hate awkwardness.
No matter how much I tell myself I don’t care what other people think or that I’m not worried about certain things, I always will be, on some level, to some degree…
I thought about hanging out with this person a lot the few days that were leading up to that night.
I started a few conversations in hopes that I was making it a little better.
Pre game prep I guess…

I realize that there are certain people that no matter how you leave things, no matter how “weird” things get or how little you talk to them, once they become a part of your life they always will be, one way or another.
There’s just something about this guy.
I don’t even really know what it is.
He makes my life seem calm.
He’s a mess.
A complete disaster.
Some of the things he says you can’t help but literally stare with your mouth wide open in shock.
He knows it too.
He knows he’s a mess.
He knows he can be super inappropriate and he knows he crosses the line more than most people.
He knows that he is that guy
There’s just something though.
In all his craziness he somehow found a little crevice in my heart and I think he has a permanent spot there.
He’s a big bear.
A big, cuddly bear.
When he smiles his eyes light up.
When he’s having a good time you can see it in his face.
He’s the kind of guy that you could call on for help and I’m pretty sure regardless of what was going on he would be there for you.
He’s so much fun and he is so smart.
Sometimes you just know that people have something in them; he has it.
The only problem is that he doesn’t know it.
He thinks he needs to be more or maybe he thinks he needs prove something.
I’m not really sure.
I wish he knew how amazing he is.
How amazing he is going to be.
I wish he knew that he was enough…
He has a great group of friends.
He’s going to make someone really happy one day.
You can just tell.
You can just see that once he can sort through his stuff he’s going to be awesome.

So we hung out.
I hate awkward and there was a little bit of it, but like I said, he’s got a little spot in a tiny, itty bitty crevice within my heart.
He always will I think.
I’m glad I met him.
I’m glad I had the crazy of him in my life.
I’m glad that we can still hang out and that we can have fun with the same group of people.

Relationships can’t be defined.
Not all of them anyway.
There’s just something about him.
Something that makes me want to keep him as a friend.

-S

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