People Pleaser Out!

For so long I have been like this.
I’m a pleaser.
I completely inconvenience myself in order to not upset other people.
I go out of my way and I make things hard on myself so everyone else can have it easier.
I say yes and I try to coordinate plans that suit everyone else’s plans, needs, wants etc.
I will go miles and miles out of my way instead of saying no.
I will travel into a town I just left to go back and pick you up.
I will ask if you need something and when you don’t answer until I’m almost home, I will go back into town to get it instead of telling you I already left.

It’s ridiculous.

The worst part is, the people I do this for, wouldn’t do anything near the same for me.
The people I have done this for several times in the past, don’t even call to say hi anymore.
If they need something though, I’m sure they know who to call…

Loyalty is huge with me as I have said before.
I’m loyal to those I love.
I always say to myself “How many times will I allow this before I get tired of it?’ “When will I learn?”
The answer has finally been discovered!
Yay!
I will allow it a whole bunch of times (obviously) and when will I learn?
Now.
I have learned and I will no longer allow it.
I’m done.
Pleasing over.

This weekend was a prime example of me and my “pleasing”.
This weekend I learned a major lesson.
I learned that my pleasing makes me miserable.
Absolutely miserable.
I’m done being miserable so therefore my pleasing days are over.

For whatever reason I have always felt the need to make sure everyone feels welcome and wanted and important.
I would send cards and invitations and thank you’s for every little thing.
I would get so upset when they were ignored or the gesture wasn’t reciprocated but the next go round I would do the same exact thing.
My ex would even say, “Just stop. Stop inviting them, stop asking them.”
My argument was that it was rude to not ask, to not invite.
He was right though, isn’t it just as rude for them to not acknowledge it?
To not say you’re welcome?
It’s a vicious cycle that I was putting myself through.
That I still put myself through.

This weekend I saw people I love with people they know have hurt me and my little loves big time.
I have seen people I care about move from person to person just because someone else close to them has replaced or moved on from other people.
That isn’t loyalty, that isn’t love and that definitely isn’t any type of kindness or friendship by definition in my book.

It works both ways.
Maybe I’m not as available as I was in the past.
Maybe I don’t have myself as open to people as I was before.
Maybe I have realized the hurt that comes along with that vicious cycle.
Some bonds between people just end up overriding other bonds.
That apparently is just how life goes.
Not just for friends, but family as well.
Sometimes we realize our place in their lives isn’t where we thought it was.

I always forgive.
Always.
But I am done pleasing and going out of my way for anyone or anything that will not do the same for me and mine.
Period.
Communication is key.
It really is.

I have tried and tried to continue being kind and nice and loving to the people in my life, regardless of relationship status.
For example, if you were once my mother in law, regardless of anything else in life, in my eyes, you were always going to be a part of my life; of my children’s life.
I would always be kind and giving and loving to you and yours as well.
Regardless of our differences and any drama that came from the changes in our lives.
If I tell you I love you and I call you family, that sticks forever as far as I’m concerned.

You can only push someone so far though.
You can only cause someone so much grief and heartache and hassle before they stop caring.
Your opinion of me doesn’t matter to me anymore.
You are not my family, I chose to treat you and love you like you were.
You chose to do the opposite.
That is your choice, as is mine to stop putting your feelings before my own.

From this moment forward I will only go out of my way for the people that do the same for me.
When you need something, which you will, I hope I’m available.
I hope that I’m free and that I have time to do whatever you need me to do.
If not, please remember the past 13 years and all the times that I didn’t have time but I made it.
Please remember all the times I drove to meet you in order to make your day a little easier.
Please remember all the times we didn’t go do something we planned so that you could make the most of your time here.
Please remember all the times I welcomed you and if you showed up, you were rude.

My time is just as precious as yours.
I want to make the most of my time as well.
Starting today, I am giving myself the same courtesy as I did you.
I deserve it just as much as the people I have always tried to please.

-S

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