Just Smile and Wave

Two more weeks.
It’s getting so close.
This process has shown me who I can really count on and who I can’t.
I don’t ask for help often but I have needed to force myself to do it lately.
I have needed help.
Not everyone has been so quick to help though.
At first I was upset, my feelings were hurt.
I asked for something, I needed it, it was important for us and I don’t even get a reply.
I have never been the kind of person to ask a bunch of times.
Maybe I should be, maybe I should follow up and ask again.
It’s not pride, but I didn’t want to ask for help in the first place, so it really isn’t likely that I’m going to keep on and keep on.
It just isn’t me.
I can adjust, I can make it work anyway.
The thing is, it opened my eyes.
Again.
Opened my eyes to realize that when push comes to shove, I have to follow my gut and my gut knows who will always be there.

Friends are defined differently by everyone.
We don’t all have the same definition.
Things that might seem acceptable to one person, just simply aren’t to another.

Loyalty has always been a big deal to me.
I really never realized how big of a deal until recently.
All the things that hurt me, all the things that make me sad, all the things that really tick me off; they all stem back to loyalty.
True friends are loyal.
They don’t leave because they have new people in their life, they don’t stop calling because they get too busy.
They check in.
Even when they’re in Montana and you’re in Florida.
They check in between the birthday parties and the housewarming parties.
Just a quick call or text but they think of you.
You cross their mind even when they are at their busiest.
Even if you haven’t seen each other in person for weeks or even months.
They check in.
True friends stay true to you.
You never lose friends, you just learn who the true ones are.

It’s a hard lesson to learn sometimes.
Facebook and Instagram and all these things that have the ability to stick it all right in your face make it even harder.
That’s life though.

We all have the power to eliminate the people in our lives that hurt us.
Sometimes the people that hurt us or cause us pain have been in our lives for so long that we can’t completely end the relationship.
We can take a step back though.
We don’t have to keep putting ourselves in a position where we know that we will just keep getting hurt.
I think that’s even harder to do than just “losing” them.
Making the choice to keep them in your life but differently.
That isn’t easy.
Part of growing up is accepting that some people we love might not be the most lovable.
They might be stubborn and mean and sometimes just plain stupid but they’re a part of us.
They’re a part of our lives.
One way or another they’ll always be there.
I’ve learned that about my people, my stubborn, stupid people.
My inconsiderate and mean, smartass people.
They annoy me and they hurt me and they make me mad.
I don’t talk to them everyday, I talk to them less and less because right now, I don’t need that in my life.
I won’t share my deepest emotions with them and when I plan something I probably won’t invite them.
I know they won’t be there for every little thing but I know they would be for the big things.
They would be there for the tragedy or the huge celebration; just not everything in the middle.
That’s OK I guess.
It’s part of growing up and being an adult.
It’s part of the process.
Learning that not everyone can be someone in the same way.
I’m thankful for the ones that I can really call a friend, the ones that I used to call a friend, the ones that will be there in desperate times of need and the ones that will simply smile and wave.
They’re all important in making us who we are.
In making me who I am.

-S

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