Forgive Me

We didn’t want it.
We weren’t ready.
We couldn’t handle it at the time.
Was it right?
It was painful and traumatizing.
Not just me but you too.
I am so sorry.
We thought it was best.
We thought it was the right thing to do.
As the room grew foggy and the light became dark I wondered if it was right.
If we really had to be doing it.
We didn’t.
A year later we found out we would have been OK, we could handle it.
We had to.
We would find a way.
It was too late for you though.
Too late.
You lost your chance and you would never get one again.
Or was it you now?
Did I tell myself that to justify it in my mind?
It couldn’t possibly be you.
I don’t know what is right but that decision was wrong.
Careless, thoughtless and immature.
So very selfish.
I’m sorry.
I am so sorry.
Part of me is missing and I took it from myself.
I love you.
I know you probably don’t believe me but I do.
I didn’t realize how much until recently.
One day I will make it up to you.
I promise.
I will.
I have to let you go now though.
I won’t forget about you.
I promise.
I have to let the guilt go though.
It’s all suffocating me.
All of it.
It isn’t your fault.
It is completely mine.
I can’t keep dwelling though.
I can’t keep feeling guilty.
I know it wasn’t right and I am so sorry.
I have to forgive me though.
Please understand.



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