Forgive Me

We didn’t want it.
We weren’t ready.
We couldn’t handle it at the time.
Was it right?
No.
It was painful and traumatizing.
Not just me but you too.
I am so sorry.
We thought it was best.
We thought it was the right thing to do.
As the room grew foggy and the light became dark I wondered if it was right.
If we really had to be doing it.
We didn’t.
A year later we found out we would have been OK, we could handle it.
We had to.
We would find a way.
It was too late for you though.
Too late.
You lost your chance and you would never get one again.
Or was it you now?
Did I tell myself that to justify it in my mind?
Maybe.
It couldn’t possibly be you.
I don’t know what is right but that decision was wrong.
Careless, thoughtless and immature.
Selfish.
So very selfish.
I’m sorry.
I am so sorry.
Part of me is missing and I took it from myself.
I love you.
I know you probably don’t believe me but I do.
I didn’t realize how much until recently.
One day I will make it up to you.
I promise.
I will.
I have to let you go now though.
I won’t forget about you.
I promise.
I have to let the guilt go though.
It’s all suffocating me.
All of it.
It isn’t your fault.
It is completely mine.
I can’t keep dwelling though.
I can’t keep feeling guilty.
I know it wasn’t right and I am so sorry.
I have to forgive me though.
Please understand.

-S

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