My weekend didn’t go anything like I had planned.
I’ve kinda learned that it probably won’t for awhile.
I have written so much the past few days but I know it’s nothing that I should hit the publish button on for right now.
All I can say is that I am so blessed to have such amazing kids.
I saw them hurt and I saw them filled with happiness this weekend.
It was bittersweet having the time that I did with them over the past few days.
While two of them are just making some peace with the things that hurt them, another has moved on and is finding herself.
My three kids are in two completely different places right now.
It’s not easy managing the both situations and helping them to each process their feelings and emotions.
She has already had to deal with what the boys are just now beginning to accept.
She knows the pain they feel and she will help them through it.
Another blessing in disguise.
I continue to have defining moments in my life.
Moments that are hard to explain but they stand out for me.
It’s just a minute where I can feel that things are different, I have a new feeling of calmness or acceptance and then sometimes even peace.
I have already accepted that I can’t do anything more than my part.
I know that, but it doesn’t make it any easier when you see them dial a phone and have to leave a message one more time…
It’s the watching them deal with things that no child should ever have to deal with that is still so hard.
They’re tough though and they have so many people that rally around them and make them forget the things they should and just have fun.
Fathers Day was one of those days where I had a few of those moments.
Everything will be OK.
Everything will be just fine.
I can see the happiness creeping back into her life.
I can see the genuine smiles and the real laughs.
She still hurts, she will probably always feel some kind of sadness over it all, but finally, finally she is becoming whole again.
For the first time in 2 years the 9 of us were together again.
It was a little awkward, it wasn’t like it used to be but it was a start.
It was a start for everyone and just like on her, I could see the happiness in the eyes of people I love that I hadn’t seen in awhile.
Not like that.
Not real, true happy eyes.
Little reminders that everything will really be OK.
One way or another, we will all be fine.
We will make it and we will be stronger because of it.
My kids are learning that clinging on to your loved ones when things are tough is OK.
When you don’t have any strength left at all and you feel like you’re going to crumble, you get your strength from the people that love you.
They hold you up.
They carry you until you can walk on your own again.
They might be young but it’s a lesson that will only make them better, more loving people.