There are defining moments in our lives all the time.
All the time.
Sometimes it’s something big; a pregnancy or an engagement.
Or a divorce.
Sometimes it’s not so big; like someone saying something that changes the way you think about things.
Changes the way you see them and the way you feel about the relationship you have with them.
It could be very subtle.
Just a sentence…
These defining moments, these game changers, they can be good or bad.
I am in a place right now that I really never thought I would be in.
I am starting over.
Trying to get settled.
To establish a routine.
A new routine.
To get comfortable, or as comfortable as possible.
Determining what exactly it is that I want.
How do I see my life and what will I do to get myself there.
I have changed the people I am surrounding myself and my kids with.
I have stopped dwelling on the things that I can’t change.
I have stopped forcing myself to hang on to relationships that don’t happen naturally.
I have shifted my focus away from worrying what everyone else thinks I should be focused on to what I feel is the best use of my time.
When you step back and evaluate the people in your life and the people that are no longer in your life, one of two things can happen…
You either realize that you cannot control everyone and everything and you accept the changes that have and are occurring or you beat yourself up.
You beat yourself up about the crazy things you did to lose them or the chances you had to try to mend things.
You wonder why you lost them or why they didn’t fight just a little harder for you.
You wonder why she is good enough and you weren’t.
Lots of thinking and wondering and wishing.
The thing is, none of that matters.
If you acted crazy and you lost someone, maybe they should be lost, we all have moments.
Bad moments, good moments, crazy moments, sad moments, angry moments, moments of bitterness and resentment.
Times when you feel bad and want to be left alone, times where you want nothing more than to be held and told it will all be OK.
Moments that almost seem unreal.
Did that really just happen??
If you apologized and it wasn’t good enough, they don’t know your heart or don’t care to know it so the loss might be hard but it’s OK.
In that moment you realize you will survive.
You will make it.
Life didn’t end because they no longer play a part in your life.
There’s that moment that you realize that things can just never be the same again.
No matter how badly you wish they could be.
You are good enough, for the right person.
Obviously it isn’t them.
It takes just one moment to make you realize that maybe they were meant for each other.
Maybe it never should have been you.
Maybe it was you that was in their way…
If you’re no longer included in things that you once never could imagine not being a part of; well, maybe you never belonged there in the first place.
Defining moments, sometimes it’s realizing your place in things and being OK with it.
It’s a hard lesson to learn.
Realizing things just aren’t the way you thought they’d be.
Seeing things for what they are.
I don’t mean that anyone is deliberately trying to hurt you, I just mean realizing that certain things do hurt you.
Deciding that there is absolutely no reason to keep putting yourself through that.
Sometimes you hear one sentence and you realize that this just isn’t going to work for you.
That moment marks the before and the after in your life.
With whatever it is that’s relevant.
In that moment the world almost stands still.
You realize that you don’t need to feel this way.
Or that you always want this feeling.
Your life in that second is changing.
For better or not isn’t really relevant in that moment.
You just know things will never be exactly the same ever again.
A definitive before and after.