So What’re You Gonna Do About It?

We can say whatever we want too.
We can tell people whatever we want.
We can even back it up with some emotion, sound so sad or distraught or so excited, happy.
Whatever the case may be.

The proof is in our actions.
When push comes to shove what do we do?
Do we do what we said we were going to do?
Do we back up our words with our actions?
Do we back up our emotions with our actions?

Anyone can say they love you, that you’re family to them.
Anyone can say they miss you.
We should hang out.
I will help with this or that.
Let me know if you need anything.

It’s the actions that come after those expressions.
Do they ever happen?

It’s up to us or me or whomever we are referring to here to decide how long you want to keep people around that don’t back it up.
How many times do we want to see things right in front of us that show us how they really feel?
How many times do we want to feel that sting in our heart when we see proof plain as day of the opposite?
How many times do we want to feel the sadness, the rejection, from someone we really believed was a friend, was family, was something a little above the rest?

I personally have had enough of it.
Stop worrying about people who don’t worry about you.”
I love that – it’s just a little quote that I saw on Facebook the other day.
It’s true.
I worry about including people in things that I do or things that I plan, only to see that they had planned something without us.
I worry constantly about people knowing how I feel about them.

I want the people I love to know just how much they mean to me.
I want the people that have a special spot in my heart to know it.
I have always assumed that the people that love me would feel and do the same.
We know what they say about assuming though…

Having said that, I have learned that quite a few that I have a special spot for, don’t have the same for me.
That’s OK.
I think it’s better to know.
The question is what am I doing about it?
People that make me, you, us feel bad in any way shouldn’t have a spot in your heart.
They just shouldn’t.

It’s a kind of control that comes over you.
You see something and automatically feel offended or feel sad that you were left out.
It gets to you.
Or it gets to me.
I feel sad.
I feel a virtual slap to the face, punch to the gut.
Here S, get in your place!

Maybe I am too sensitive.
I don’t know.
It doesn’t really matter.
It’s the way I feel and I don’t have to justify those feeling to anyone.
Feelings aren’t wrong, feelings are just feelings.
Some of us have a much harder time hiding them than others.
When you would do something for someone, you automatically think they would do the same for you.
I have learned that is very much false.
People will do what they want, when they want, how they want.
We can’t force it.
We can’t make someone want to be a part of our life or try a little harder.
We just can’t.
They have to want to.
When someone wants to do something, they will.
Whether we want them to or not.

There is no point in holding onto that last thread.
None.
If they are meant to be in your life, they will be.
If you don’t like the way they are in your life then it’s your prerogative to kick them out.
Don’t wait for them to change.
Really, that hurts way too much.
Don’t do it.

We can’t change people.
We can’t change the past.
There are some things we just don’t have control over.
We can control who we let hurt us and who we let hold a spot in our lives when they have proven time and time again that they don’t deserve it.
Kick those people out.
It might be a slow process but I am doing just that.
I have made my amends and I have apologized for my wrongdoings.
If that isn’t enough then that’s their decision.
I only have room for people in my life that return my love and actively choose to be there.
I can no longer wait.

-S

untitled

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s