You Never Left

I remember it like it was yesterday.
Standing in the laundry room with the door closed.
The phone pressed to my ear.
You begged me.
You begged me to drop it.
You cried.
6 months into the process and now you tell me.
Now you cry?
My family in the next room, papers in hand.
Now you tell me?
I remember the lump in my throat, is this heartburn?
I told you no.
I told you it was too late.

Was that wrong?
Announcements were made.
A party was planned.
It’s what was best.
It’s what she wanted.

Two hours.
We replayed it all.
Out loud, together.
My side and yours for the first time.
Every detail.
From you running down the driveway to now.
Every detail.
I still love talking to you.
No one can call me out like you.
I felt the lump in my throat.
It’s not heartburn.
I can’t explain the connection.
It’s not what everyone thinks.
It’s unique.
It always has been.
A trust that I don’t know if you deserve.
You have always had it though.
Even through the craziest of times.
No one knows me like you do.
My heart.
My crazy.
You know it all.
Whether I want to admit it or not, you do.

Was it spite?
Not the love I thought.
I’m not sure anymore.
Listening to your side, to your memories and your reflection changes the way I saw it.
I lived the other side though, so it doesn’t change completely.
It changes though.
Pieces that were missing are there now, but where do they go?
It’s almost like we ripped a piece of paper into a bunch of tiny pieces and now we are trying to put it back together.
We can’t.

You said a lot.
So did I.
You’ve grown so much.
You’re not the same person anymore.
I knew you had it in you.
It’s always been there.
Fate? Karma?
We discussed it all.
She’s the priority.
She’s what’s important.
Thank you for everything you said.
Thank you for acknowledging it all.
Thank you for talking it all out.
Thank you for always being there, in the dark, just outside of reach but still there.
At a distance.
You never left.

We have upset some people.
We’ve confused even more.
They don’t matter though.
She does.
My only regret is that we didn’t figure that out a long time ago.
You’re right though, at least we’ve been given the opportunity to figure it out now.




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