Reality

The reality of life is that things change.
We change.
We grow up.
We deal with the hard stuff.
We have too.
What is the alternative? Really…
There isn’t one.
We deal with it and we get past it.
Move on.
Then we deal with the next challenge.
The challenges are what makes us strong.
Makes us grow. Learn.
The reality of my life right now is that I am getting my karma.
It works both ways.
If I think you will get yours, I have to accept that I will get mine.
I am getting it.
Everything that is happening right now can be explained.
Everything that just doesn’t make sense right now to anyone, not even to me is because it doesn’t make sense.
It’s my karma.
It’s the way of the world taking charge and making me realize my mistakes.
Acknowledge them.
I do now.
I didn’t. Not for a long while.
I do now.
I’m not the same person I was before.
Not at all.
The new me has to deal with it though, with the mistakes, with the screw ups and all the flaws that could have all been avoided.

With great challenges comes great growth.

I have been very blessed over the past few years with amazing new friends that are like family.
With the ability to see things much clearer.
With the opportunities to make wrongs from the past right again.
With people that I know I would never have appreciated had I received them in my life before now.
With three beautiful children that I would give my life for.
Supportive and amazing people are all around me.

What you put out into the world is what you get.

I have realized that I have to deal with the hard, the bad and the ugly now because I was difficult, I was spoiled and I was stubborn.
I’m not anymore, so I believe with all my heart that the good, the beautiful and the amazing are on their way.
They will arrive when we least expect it.
When I am down and out, about to collapse and throw in the towel; there will be amazing. Staring me down, head on.

A true blessing of mine told me “Just pray S, just say out loud “God, what do I do?” Show me what to do and I will do it.”
I haven’t been able to breathe lately. I cannot catch my breath.
I could after I took her advice.

We can joke and we can laugh and I can bash him for all I am going through, but the reality is that it was probably a long time coming.
I have to pay my dues, accept my own karma like he will for all of this.
That’s just how it is.

Another friend said “No court can change the kind of person he is”, she was speaking of someone in her life but that comment hit me in regards to my life.
You can learn from your mistakes and you can do everything in your power to be a better person. You can change, you can learn and grow but your mistakes, your wanna be do-overs all still happened.
They can’t be taken back.
A word cannot be unsaid.
An action cannot be undone.
The hurt you cause someone can’t be reversed.
It can be pushed back and forgotten over time with good memories, acts of kindness, but it still happened and it can’t unhappen.
No matter how desperately we wish it could.

-S

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