Straight Face

8 weeks.
Eight.

Not a peep.
Not a phone call.
Not a text.
Not a message or an email.

But now it’s Easter.
If you know me, you know the holidays and all the traditions that go along with them are a big deal.
The same goes for my kids.
We love them.
We go all out.
Decorate.
Cook.
Bake.
We have so much fun with it.
With all of them.

So of course there you are.
We all knew you’d pop up again.
Rear your ugly head.
That’s mean.
I don’t care.
This is my blog.

I can adjust, I’m flexible.
I don’t mind sharing time, sharing the holidays.
Sharing anything.
If you deserve it.
You don’t.
You say you will get them from school, if you ever called you would know school is out that day.
You would know they have had FCAT all week.
But you don’t know.
You have no idea about anything.
And you think they want to spend their holiday with you?
No.
Not even close.
You won’t answer the phone to have a conversation with them though.
Disgusting.

With a straight face I told them we would celebrate when they got home.
With a straight face I told them you loved them very much.
With a straight face I told them you missed them so very much.
With a believable smile I told them they would have so much fun!

With tears in their eyes they said they didn’t want to leave.
With tears falling down their little faces they said if he missed us he would at least call.
With sobbing little voices they said he doesn’t love us, you don’t ignore the people you love.

They’re right.
Of course I won’t tell them that, but they are.
They are so right.
Lots of parents split holidays.
Lots of parents are separated.
Lots of kids have broken homes.
Yes, it’s sad but it’s reality.
A reality that for some reason you just cannot seem to handle.
I don’t like it either.
It sucks.
It kills me.
My heart hurts so bad.
So bad.
But this is our life, this is our reality.

You hurt them more than they already do.
What are you accomplishing?
What are you helping?
Are you gaining something?
Please share with me what could possibly be so amazing that it needs to come at the expense of the people you should love more than life itself.
Please share.
Please.

You won’t though.
We all know that.
2 years of nothing but the same.
So exhausting.
Just do what you’re supposed too.
Just take care of what you should.
You aren’t going to wear me down.
I’m tired, yes, but I won’t give up on what they deserve.
Ever.

-S

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