Why Was I Waiting

I had a long drive this morning.
Lots of time to think.
An hour there. An hour back.

Me, my music and my thoughts.
Phone on silent.
Windows down.

It’s not right.
It isn’t.
Not at all.
I thought it was.
Thought maybe it could be.

I have waited so long and I know why.
I know what I want.

There is a satisfaction that is finally starting to show itself.
It feels good to be independent.
To do it on my own.
It feels good to take care of everything myself.
Not to depend on anyone.
It isn’t sad anymore.
Not depressing at all.
I enjoy it.

Every night this week has been full of things needing to get done.
Things I enjoy doing.
Every night.
My time is limited.
Not everyone gets that.

They don’t need too

Maybe some people need to be alone for awhile.
That time allows them to truly grasp who they are and what they want.
What they deserve.
I have learned more about myself in the past year than I have in 33.

Lots of tears have been cried.
Lots of memories have been remembered.
Bridges have been burned.
Relationships lost and repaired.
A lot of change.
A lot.

All of these changes should lead to clarity.
Not confusion.

I’m confused.
I’m not content.

Lots of time to think today.

-S

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