Finding The Center

It was exactly how I thought it would be.

Easy.
It always is.
I wasn’t nervous or scared.

Conversation flows.
No moments of silence.
Years of things to discuss.
Memories to remember.
Laughter.
Lots of laughter.

Some things just won’t ever change.
Wondering if that would have been better is pointless.
Thinking about what if’s are a waste of time.
Goals and ambitions are identical.
Like being stuck in time.

Lost and found.

When you’re dancing it’s called spotting.
You find a point to look at when turning.
You keep your eye on that point.
You won’t get dizzy, you won’t fall.
Not as long as you can find that point.
Spin your head quick. Find that point.
It realigns you.
Helps you keep your balance.

Brings you back to your center.

So many memories.
So many forgotten memories.
Buried deep. Lost.

The point of balance.
Realigns you.
Dig deep and think.
Think about why.
There isn’t much point in dwelling.

It’s not dwelling.
It’s reminiscing.
Remembering with happiness.
Reflecting.
When it was good it was amazing.
When it was bad it was terrible.
That’s my routine apparently.

So young.
So many influences.
So much learning and growing to do.
So much of it done together and so much apart.

The opinions other people have are still there.
In my ear.
I knew they would be.
Pushing them away and listening to myself isn’t easy.
I have too though.
I have to figure this one out on my own.
I tried doing what everyone else thought was best.
I tried listening to everyone else.
I can’t this time.
I have to live this out.
There’s no other way.
I just have to go with it.
Following my heart but carrying my brain with me.
Not just for her sake but for mine.

I believe in fate.
Destiny.
What’s meant to be is going to be eventually.

Can he be the hero?
Can he make it all better for her?

God I hope so.
With all my heart I hope this is what she needs.

If not, she will know.
She will learn.
Putting together the puzzle of her life.

-S

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