This is a “note” from my personal FB page that I wrote last November. I am posting it here because it is a part of my journey and I want all of my pieces together….
Today was my one year anniversary with AdvoCare. For most people this just means that you pay your $50 renewal and continue on. Maybe it should have been that simple for me, but it wasn’t. At all. For me it has meant a lot of self-reflection and soul searching. When I started AdvoCare, I started because someone who meant the world to me wanted to do it. I hadn’t tried any products or been to any mixers or events. I simply said “yes” because I trusted them and wanted them to be happy. I remember giving someone a Spark sample and saying “please just try it, my boyfriend wants me to sell it.” I didn’t have a purpose or a reason for “doing AdvoCare.”
My marriage had just disintegrated; I was living on my own with my 3 kids for the first time in 13 years but I LOVED my JOB and I had amazing friends that were helping me get through things. I was OK.
I wasn’t ok. I was lost. I wasn’t dealing with my loss; anyone who has been through a divorce can tell you, it’s like a death. There are so many emotions and so many feelings that come along with it that there are times I couldn’t tell you if I was coming or going. It was such a failure. I failed my kids. How do you get past that? You ignore it, that’s how.
I decided to stay busy. I started going to events and reading and listening to the women that were “doing AdvoCare”, I went to Texas with my best friend to listen to the top distributors speak. I went to Success School. On my trip to Texas my definition of happiness changed. At Success School my beliefs changed. There were moments that I would just cry, I wasn’t sure exactly why but the tears wouldn’t stop. No big deal… They were emotional stories!
Going to all of these events and listening to these powerful, strong, capable women speak I knew in my gut and in my heart that I could build a team of Champions. Women & men, other single moms or dads that felt lost and wanted better for themselves and their kids. I could be a single mom and stay home with my kids everyday. I knew it, I could feel it. Nothing was going to stop me.
Fast forward to the past few weeks. My feelings have been hurt a lot. I wasn’t invited, called, asked, included etc. I started questioning myself a lot. The reasons why my journey started are gone. Should I even continue it? My heart hurt. Last night I was joking back and forth with a friend and said, “you made me cry”. His response: “you let me”. What??? But he was SO RIGHT! I did let him!
I am in control of my feelings, my emotions, MY LIFE. I’m not a victim. When did that change for me? Those moments when I would cry and I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why; that was because I knew in my heart I was short changing myself. I have always short changed myself. I knew I deserved better, I just hadn’t made the connection between my head and my heart that was needed to make a real change.
So my reasons for starting my journey might not be present in my life the same way anymore… But when I started I didn’t have a team of amazing people that wanted the same things in life that I do; I have them now. This isn’t just about me. This is about having the life that my children deserve; this is about helping the people that trusted me enough to join arms with me to meet their goals. This is about being the mother, daughter, granddaughter, friend that I have always known I could be. This is about being the best me possible and helping other people to become their best self also. You have to love yourself in order to have other people truly love you. I love me, I know now that I haven’t always but I do now. I love my kids, I love my family, friends and my team. I love my AdvoCare.
My journey might not be the same now as when I started but I will finish much stronger than I ever could have imagined.
So I paid my $50.