It Was Inevitable Really

I guess when I think about it I always knew it might happen.
Not exactly like this but I knew it would.
Especially with the way that he has been the past year.

It’s rejection.
She is dealing with the rejection.
Or what she feels like is rejection.
I wish I could make her understand that the rejection is with me and not her.
He is just doing it to hurt me.

Over the past year I have come to terms with the fact that he is just clueless.
Through his obsession to hurt me, he is ruining them.
Hurting them in ways that will never be truly healed.

I would have never gone through with the decision I did if I thought for one second this would be the outcome.

My decisions were based purely on my love for her.
My heart was always focused on her and her well being.
I wanted nothing more than for her to be loved.
Taken care of.

I thought their bond was strong.
It was a love that I was almost envious of.
One that I desperately wished I had.
They seemed inseparable.
A bond not forced or on purpose but purely by choice.

The choice to accept each other.
To love each other.

It was beautiful.

Now, I question my decision every day.
Every single day.

I thought that the initial rejection was hard.
This one is worse.
This one is a decision that was made by choice, intentional and then broken.
Broken on purpose.
No effort to repair anything.
Just rejection.

The first rejection was my fault.
Pride.
Ego.
A need to have a normal family.
Influenced by others.

My heart knew.
I always knew.
I gave in to so much to try to hold on.
Hold on until finally being convinced that he had really let go.

There was always something.
Something that kept the ties from fraying.
Something that never completely ended.
With each separation there was a need to explain, to share.
I don’t know why.
A request then a deletion.
An email.
A phone call.
Finally a dinner.

Nothing was ever a secret.
Everything disclosed.
One day.
One day it might matter.

The past year has made the possibility more real.

The possibility is real now.
Possibility is reality.

A few questions.
A few more.
A request.
An acceptance.
A phone call.

I’m not worried.
I was never worried.
Never scared.
Even when everyone told me I should be.
I never was.
I always trusted him.
I never doubted him.
Even when I should.

The fact that he would come back now, when I need him the most, surprises most people.
It doesn’t surprise me.
I always knew he would have my back, I just never asked.

Hearts always connected.
I’m not sure why.
Maybe it was her.
Her all along.

15 years of trying to protect her.
15 years of trying to do what is best.
Everything comes full circle.

This is another example of everything happening the way its supposed too.
Pushing, pulling, denying, fighting it.
It will still happen how it should.
No matter what the past has been.

The rejection was with me.
I forced it.
I thought it was best.
He has proven me wrong.
Pushing something away looking for something better.
He wasn’t better.

A normal family.
What is normal?

The only thing I can do is move forward.
The rejection was and is with me.
It was never about her.
It still isn’t.

I hope that this is right.
We were young.
Easily influenced.
Decisions were based on those influences.
Major decisions.

Closure if nothing more.
No longer a rejection but something more.
A new journey.
A new beginning.
A new understanding.

I don’t know the outcome.
I trust him.
Tell me not too, I will anyway.
Just like I did before.
My vision is mine now.
No other influences.
Just her and my heart.
She is my heart.
He was my heart.

The outcome will affect everyone.
That used to be a concern.
Not anymore.
Her happiness.
Her life.
Her sanity and health.
Her future.
That is my concern.
The rest is none of my business.

-S

fate-vs-destiny3

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