A Letter To The Teenage Me…

Dear S,

Right now you think you can’t live without him.
You think you can’t be alone.
You feel alone.
You feel like you know exactly how you want your life to be.
Your future is planned and you know everything.
Your parents hate you.

The truth is, you don’t know anything.
No one hates you. They actually love you very much and want the best for you.
Your parents are not your enemy.
They will be the only ones from right now, that will still talk to you when you grow up.
Yes, when you grow up. You are not grown up now…
They will be hard to deal with, but only because they love you so much and they are tired of watching you make bad decisions.

You do love him. You always will.
He will always have a special place in your heart.
But he is not “the one.”
He will move on and he will have his own family; without you in it.
It hurts. You feel like your insides won’t work properly, but they will.
You will move on, get over it.
Time will make this easier. Nothing anyone tells you will help. Nothing. You just need time.
You will think about it everyday until you don’t anymore. I don’t know when it will happen, it just will.

Your daughter will be beautiful. She will make you realize why you are living.
It won’t be easy. At all. But it will be so worth it.
You will think you are doing it all alone.
Look around you though S, you are not alone.
The people that love you are right there. It just isn’t who you wanted there.
It’s who should be there though. Don’t be a brat about it. Be thankful.

You will fall in and out of love a few more times.
Each time will hurt. A little more than the last.
You do get over it though.
They will each keep a tiny piece of your heart.
Let them have it, move on, you deserve more anyway.

Your world seems so big right now but I promise you, it is so small.
When you compare it to the next 15-18 years these problems are so small.
I know that doesn’t make it any easier.
You will learn so much though. So much about yourself and who you are, what you deserve.

You will realize you deserve so much more than you are allowing yourself to have right now.
You don’t need to chase anyone. Not know, not when you are 30.

Keep moving, keep pressing forward.
The people that are supposed to be in your life will catch up.

Keep reading, don’t get too busy.
Your love for reading will serve you well in the future too.

Tell Grandpa and Tia how much you love them.
When she falls behind the group, wait for her.
Let her hold your arm while she walks.
You’ll wish you had.
Don’t be rude to Grandpa.
He just wants you to learn Spanish and he’s right.
You will wish you had learned more.
Watch the Magic games with him, talk to him while he rides his bike in his room, listen to his music.
He has so many stories and you will want to know them all.
You will want to tell your kids those stories, because he can’t.

Don’t make fun of people, lots of the things you tease people for with your friends will happen to you.
It’s called karma.

Don’t take anything for granted but don’t freak out either.
Things will work out for you just how they should.
You will have beautiful children and your struggles will help other people.
This crazy time in your life will prepare you for the same time with your children.
Remember every moment.
Remember you are amazing. You deserve so much. Don’t settle S.

Keep moving, keep learning, keep growing and don’t forget to dream.
Dream and dance.

Always,

-S

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