Content

It’s a beautiful day outside.
Sunny. Breezy.
Birds are flying around.
Watching my baby girl play ball.
I love weekends like this.
Surrounded by the people I love.

What makes us happy?
Like truly happy.

A friend tells me all the time that happiness has to come from you.
From yourself.
If you were alone with yourself, would that be enough to make you happy?
Would you be content?

I honestly don’t know if I would be.
Not yet.
I’m getting there.

I can sit in the sun and feel it warm on my back and my face.
Feel the breeze.
My hair blowing.
Just sitting in the grass.
I’m happy right here.
I’m content.

I have things running through my mind.
I have things I’m worried about.
Things that I want to fix or things that I don’t want to ruin.

I am the only one who can upset me.
I’m the only one that can stop me.
I’m the only one that can really make myself happy.

As I sit here and think, I think about the new people in my life.
New friends. New opportunities.

We all have flaws. We all have worries, things that scare us.
Things that haunt us.

Me?
I’m scared of making the wrong choices.
The wrong decision.
Missing an opportunity.
Missing something great because I’m so scared.

Sitting here in the sun, watching my baby play ball, I love this.
I also realize that I have so much to share, so much to offer.

Being scared isn’t doing anything except hurting and denying myself.
Denying myself the chance to be loved, treated like a princess.
I don’t need it. No.
I deserve it though.
I deserve to be loved back.

Sitting here, in the sun, breeze on my face, watching my baby.
I’m scared but I’m open.
I’m open to new things.
I’m going to be honest, vulnerable.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.
I’m done pushing it away though.

I’m content right here but I know there’s more.

-S

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