Whirly, Swirly Craziness

I did it.
I panicked.
I had an internal panic attack.
Grabbed my stuff and took off.

I ran.

I’m not really surprised but I am so sad.
So disappointed.
In myself.

My whole philosophy with this dating again thing has been to take it as it comes.
Just go with the flow and let things happen as they may.

I didn’t take into consideration the possibility of actually falling for someone though.
I forgot that part.

I didn’t work that part out in my head.

Obviously.

I got that feeling.
That whirly, swirly feeling in my tummy.

I understand that you have to let that feeling take over in order to find the right person.
I get that.

I also understand that feeling means you might get hurt.

Bad.

I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t. I seriously don’t.

So I left.
I left like you would expect a guy to do.
You would expect a girl to say “I woke up and he was gone.”
My answer would be “what an ass.”

I’m the ass.

I think this hurts more than just being vulnerable though.

My heart hurts.

It hurts for misunderstanding.
It hurts for not knowing.
It hurts for falling again.
It hurts for confusion.
For not knowing what to do.
For not knowing if it even matters.

When to give it your all and when to walk away. When to snuggle and when to run.

-S

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