Donuts and Malibu

I have been working out faithfully for a month now.

Today I feel huge.

Huge. Like a whale. A blimp.

I don’t know why.

I always get like this.
I get so frustrated that I can’t do it anymore.
I just can’t deal.
So I give up.

I quit.

I’m not going to quit this time.
I can’t.
This time is different.
This time it’s about me getting healthier and stronger for myself and my kids.
It isn’t about looking better for a guy or because I need a hobby.
This time it’s about proving to myself and my kids that I am strong.
That I can do this. All of it.

So I can’t quit.

I am allowed to whine and complain and vent a little though.

I’m impatient. I want things to happen fast.
I have gone to weight doctors and lost weight fast.
Then I stop and guess what?
It all comes back.
Plus some extra in case I was wanting some more…

I have gone to weight loss clinics and I have asked my doctor to prescribe me stuff.

I have done everything you can think of.

This time I am doing it right.
I’m working out faithfully and I’m taking my AdvoCare products like I should be.
I’m eating right and I’m making sure I manage my stress better.
I’m sleeping more.

Everything is being done properly.

I am so impatient though.
I need to measure.
I need to check my progress.
Just so I know.

I don’t weigh myself.
The scale and I have a love/hate relationship.
I would weigh myself and if the scale showed that I was up even half a pound I wouldn’t eat the whole day.
I was obsessive.
When the scale battery died, I didn’t replace it.
I broke up with my scale.
That was the easiest break up I have ever been through.

Today I was going over everything with someone I trust. He has been there. Lost lots of weight.
I value his opinion.

I am so lucky, I have people that have been there in my life.
People that know what this journey feels like.

Some days you just want to shove your face full of donuts.
Some days you just want to eat and drink all the things you shouldn’t.
Binge.

But just like everything else in life; what will that do for me?
What will that help?
It’ll just set me even farther back.

I can’t give up.
I can’t eat donuts or drink some Malibu.

I have to press on.
Wake up and go workout again.
It didn’t come on in a month so I guess I can’t expect it to fall off in a month.
I have to step it up. Work harder. Do more. Eat even better.

I’ll get there. It won’t be by Spring Break 2014 but I will get there eventually.

-S

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