Read The Label

He wants to “label it” to give it a name. Change the Facebook status to “in a relationship with________”

That should make you excited right? All giddy and school girl like.

Hmmm

I don’t like labels. I think they scare me. I have a label phobia.

If I’m being honest I guess labels make me run.
Hide.
Take cover!
Freak me out a little bit.

Or a lot.

Even the dreaded “friend” label doesn’t ever seem to end well for me.

More than friends, friends, lovers, my boyfriend… Whatever.
In your heart you know what you are and where you stand.
Why does telling the whole world have to be such a big deal?
If I know you like me and you know you like me and we make a decision to be together that is enough.

Right?

I feel like if we have to put it all over the place and in everyone’s face it’s kinda childish.
Like, stay back b*$%@es he’s mine.

How old are we again?

Maybe that’s just me, making excuses for why I seem to hide once the “talk” happens.

Of course I want you to be proud to call me yours. I want you to want to show me off and take me out. I do. But do we have to complicate it?

Labels do that.

Labels create expectations. Expectations end up causing problems.

Let’s worry about that later.
Later when we have too. Later when you already know what I want and I know what you want.
Later when there is less of a chance of letting each other down.
Later when we can talk about anything and know that we aren’t going anywhere.
I don’t know when that would be but right now, later sounds good.

Life is already so hard. So complicated. I want you to be my comfort. My home. My relaxation. Not another form of complicatedness.
If things are working for us, let’s just go with it.

I don’t want to lose what we have but I don’t want it to consume me either. I don’t want you to meet my kids yet. I don’t want you to meet my parents.

Not yet. Later.

When I am ready to place a label on us I realize you might have moved on. If you did move on, then I guess we weren’t meant to be anyway.

My friend just made her relationship official.

She is so happy. She can’t stop smiling. She isn’t scared of it. She is embracing it. She is beyond happy about it. She knows. She knows it’s right for her.

This validates that I’m just not ready for it. Or I haven’t found the right one yet. Because I want it, but I’m afraid of it. All at the same time.

I don’t know what it validates really but it validates something.

This girls heart is just healing. It isn’t ready to be broken again. That I know is true.

Taking things slow. Enjoying our time. Showing that you think about me. That I’m on your mind.

That’s all I want right now. I don’t need much. I don’t want much.

I don’t think…

-S

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