Kids know what they can and cannot get away with. Unfortunately it’s one of the things they figure out the fastest.
When you find yourself as a single parent, trying to make it work. Working long hours, doing the work of two in your household; you hope that everything goes smoothly still, that there aren’t that many waves in the routine. You hope that you can still work with and communicate with the other parent.
That isn’t always the case though. It wasn’t for me. For Us. Not at all.
We didn’t speak at all. If we did, it was fighting, arguing, yelling. We were both full of so much hate and resentment. We couldn’t see past our noses. I was blind to so much. I was so sad for what had happened and what our kids had gone through that I let a lot slide. I looked past a lot.
I have three kids. They all reacted to the divorce differently. I think that is normal. My oldest was very angry. My middle son just wants everyone to be happy and does whatever he can to make sure who he is with at the time is ok. My youngest learned quickly that there were benefits to two houses…
Each of them dealt differently. Are still dealing differently. But they all know that Mommy and Daddy don’t speak. They don’t talk. So what happens with Mom, stays with Mom and vice versa.
That isn’t good.
It has been a long time, a long time of hurt. Last night and this morning I got my first glimpse of what it’s like for Him to Have My Back. We are still going through a lot so my guard is up. But He had my back. I had His. We were parents, Mom and Dad, working together for the benefit of our kids.
One of the reasons we are no longer together is our difference in parenting. I would over compensate for His strict, serious personality. I would make excuses and tell the kids He really did love them. He is happy, He’s just tired. I couldn’t do it anymore. No one was happy. He never smiled.
When He left and I was faced with having to be the disciplinarian in our home I had a new respect for Him. I still don’t agree with the way He handles it but I missed His help. We were a somewhat decent balance. Now the scale was tipped way over. Too far. I had to balance it back out. I was alone though. No one saying, “listen to mom.”
It’s hard. It’s so hard. You are already dealing with so much and now you have to take on the role of two parents? Really??
He didn’t have my back. He had a new life and he quite frankly hated me. It was a game, let’s watch S fail. His relationship with our oldest suffered greatly. I worried about the boys and how His absence would affect them.
He might still hate me. I don’t know. I don’t care really either.
He is still their Dad and He finally stepped up and helped. He talked to me. Really talked. We communicated better last night and this morning than we did when we were together. I’m not as naïve as I was before, I don’t just assume this is the new way of doing things for us. But it was a start. It was a weight lifted. It was a feeling of relief. He was back. Kind of.
I hope it stays like this. I hope it continues. I hope he finds a way to fix the broken pieces of the relationships with our kids. For everyone’s sake. I have a few unhappy kids. They aren’t very happy that he and I worked together and were a united front. They aren’t used to it. They think I chose Him over them. That’s our fault, for going so long as enemies and not partners. I have no guilt in that though. I did try. I did communicate. It wasn’t reciprocated. He wasn’t ready. I pray he is now. I pray he is ready to move forward as their Mom and Dad. That’s all we are together. That’s all we need to be. We should be able to handle that.