Take it or Leave It

I didn’t write over the weekend. I had a lot I wanted to write about. A lot of things happened that were very much blog-worthy. But I didn’t write. I missed it.

It was a really good weekend. Really good.

Any weekend that my baby plays ball is a good weekend. I love watching her. She’s in her zone. In her element. She loves it. This is a new team for her. But it doesn’t matter. If she’s uncomfortable, you would never know it. She is just herself. She just does what she likes to do. I am so glad she is like that.

Now me on the other hand…

New parents to sit with; I’m still the newbie. They are all super nice but it’s funny how it’s just like when I was younger. You don’t exactly feel comfortable yet and whichever little group you drift toward will determine how the rest of your time with them goes.
Do you sit by yourself and just watch the kids play? Do you just walk up to the group of moms? Which group of moms? Do you hang near the coaches? Teachers pet.
They always got on my nerves.

I’m shy at first. It takes me a little while to feel comfortable and to start being myself. I’m kind of a smarty pants and I like to tease. Not everyone can handle that or knows how to take it.

I don’t know why I care.

I met some new people this weekend too. It took me a few minutes but I was me, just S. I was joking and carrying on. Teasing, poking fun. Just like the other 3 in the group were. Fun stuff. Seriously. Really fun.

When you relax, be yourself and don’t stress or worry about what everyone else is thinking or what people will say next or do next; that’s when you really have fun. You are really able to enjoy yourself.

I have a hard time doing that. I worry about the afters.
Will they like me? Will he think I’m this or that? Will he call? Did I look dumb? Does this look bad?

Work in progress.

I spent my weekend not caring. Not worrying about it. I can’t say that I didn’t worry at al,l because I did. A friend had to tell me to “just chill” last night a few times. But for the most part I was me. I had fun. I took crazy pictures. I laughed. I smiled. A lot. I was happy. All weekend. I was me. Again. Finally. Thank God.

The thing is, it’s all going to work out how it’s meant too. No matter what we do.
I can’t change the way I look overnight; so if you don’t like it, that’s your issue. Not mine. I can’t take off my tattoo’s or pretend like I wasn’t married or have 3 kids. I am who I am.

I am changing the things that I don’t like not what you don’t like.

The people that are meant to be in my life; both old and new, will love every part of me. My flaws, my brown eyes, my smile, my heart. My sarcasm will be matched and my jokes laughed at. Why hide any of it? All of it makes up me and if you like me you’ll like those things. If not, it was very nice meeting you. Have a nice life.

-S

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