When we were in highschool finding a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, was so easy. The whole city was together in one building for 7 hours. Everyone was already categorized and in order by type. Rednecks, goth, preps etc. You could pick your partner out, no problem. There might be drama from an ex or a jealous wanna be, but that was typically it. Score. Boyfriend found.
Fast forward 15 years. This dating mess stinks. Like seriously, caca poo poo stinks. Bars, online dating, there are places you can go where there are a whole bunch of people corralled together. Fun. Fun. Not. You could use Facebook, join a group activity, church. There are lots of options. None sound fun to me. None. Actually the thought of going out looking for someone makes me feel ill. I don’t want to go look or search for the man of my dreams. Maybe I should want too. I don’t know. But I don’t.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have dated. Some have been a lot of fun. Laughing for hours in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant, walking along the water. Some made my skin crawl. Is that a wedding ring outline??? Yes, please tell me all about your past drug addiction… On our first date. Awesome!
If they did go good, they didn’t last very long. 3-4 dates. My crazy, busy life, with my crazy kids isn’t for everyone. If you can’t handle my kids then you can’t handle me. Period. There are times when I can’t handle my kids myself, so I get it, no hard feelings. There’s no sense in wasting time or beating around the bush though, it is what it is.
When I had my daughter I was super careful about who I brought around her. It was almost 3 months before my ex was allowed to meet her and spend time with both of us. I didn’t want to confuse her or to put “all these different guys in her life.” I was able to do that back then. It was easier with one. My best friend and roommate would watch her anytime I wanted. She loved her. We had my parents too. Now, with three, it’s different. They are my whole world. It’s hard to get time away from all three of them. I still have mixed feelings about bringing men around them.
When you’re single it’s assumed you’re looking for someone to pay your bills, raise your kids and buy you a ring. I have said before that it would be awesome to have a little help, some back up. That doesn’t mean anything more than that though. Seriously. I don’t want a daddy for my kids, they have one of those. I don’t want my kids attached to you anymore than you’re afraid to get attached to them. And vice versa as well, I love kids. I will fall in love with your kids. Why? So you can move on to the next one and let them do the same? See what I mean? Stinks!
Kids go through the divorce too. My parents are still together so I don’t know what it’s like to go through a divorce as a kid but I see how it has affected mine. They have a lot to deal with and get used to as it is. Do I want to make them go through that with boyfriends too? They dealt with losing that friend of mine that I wrote about in Label Us, they have just met “him” and then we don’t talk anymore, they ask why. Of course they ask why. Kids are affected by everything we do. I am affected by everything I do.
I hope I find a partner one day. I do. I am still hoping to get that proposal I never got. When you boil it down and make it real simple though, I am not going to look. If I meet “him” I hope I know it. I hope it works. I hope he loves my kids as much as he loves me and I hope the same for my kids and his too if he has any. I hope he will get me, really get me. Accept me, love me, appreciate me. But he has to be that way for my kids too. Whether they meet him the day I do or six months later.