Starting Over

Have you ever felt like you were in the twilight zone? Like maybe this has happened to you before? I swear I have already lived through this once…. I have felt that way, several times. But this time it’s an entire period of my life. I have already done this once before. I already struggled, rose above, came out on top. Blah, blah, blah. Why the heck is it all happening again?

Poor me. I have already done my time, made up for my mistakes. Lived through Hell. I came out a stronger person. Right?

Well, if that were true. I mean really, really true. Would I be going through it all again? The answer I have come up with is “No, absolutely not.”

I did not come out a stronger person. I made it, yes. I survived. (Go me!) I was probably a stronger person for a little while but not strong enough. If I were strong enough I wouldn’t have fallen into the same habits again and I surely would not have made the same mistakes again.

So my conclusion is this; I made it, I know I am strong because I DID survive. I am strong enough to survive. This time though, I need to learn a lesson that I failed to learn the first go around. I didn’t learn something that God wanted me to learn, I didn’t do something He wanted me to do, so he gave me a similar path to walk. This time, I will learn the lessons needed and I am confident that I will come out of this storm a much better, stronger version of me. This time, I am using my “storm” to help women or men weather it also. Life is not only about you. That was lesson #1, learned at age 33.

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